When a gift is more than simply a gift

It’s Friday which means I will be linking up with Bron‘s link up currently hosted at Kidspot. Check it out for more gratitude posts by some wonderful bloggers.

I just celebrated my birthday and my heart is filled with gratitude tonight. If I told you part of the reason was because I received a pile of presents from my husband would you think I was shallow? Let me tell you how wonderful and important it is to me that my husband gave me a pile of presents.

We have been together 16 1/2 years and in that time I have purchased a huge number of gifts for myself. I have had to remind my husband often that it would soon be my birthday, our anniversary, Christmas… Sometimes there would be gifts organised and sometimes I could see it was not happening and I would take myself off to buy a few things so my kids would see me unwrap something. I still remember being given a book carefully selected for me (wonderful) and trying to overlook the fact that it was not wrapped and presented in a Borders plastic bag. I still remember the time my husband told me he thought about buying me flowers but could not find a shop nearby (I reminded him of the wonderful 24/7 access on the internet, but still I never receive flowers).

Over the years this has been a sore point for us. My husband’s “love language” is words of  affirmation. I have been blessed over 16 years with the most amazing cards with hand written messages from his heart to mine. I have saved every single one and re-read them at times. I am truly grateful for this, but my love language is gifts, followed closely by acts of service. I have never asked for expensive trinkets and would be satisfied with one carefully selected gift costing $20 as long as I did not pick it out myself. One bunch of tulips “for no reason” would fill my heart and soul so completely and I could not understand why he could not pull that off for me. I took all the advice out there and have always stated what I needed.

Last year I noticed a slight change – flowers were given from our garden and put in vases for me to enjoy, slowly gifts were bought just before my birthday, and then the holidays came and there was the shock of seeing something wrapped under the tree that had been on an old wish list I had given my husband but never received anything from. The message was clear – change was finally taking place. I was stunned and grateful. Two months later it is my birthday and for the first time in 16 years I trusted there would be gifts for me to open. I did not buy anything for myself. I was all-in.

My husband made two separate outings to shop for me. I told him it was unnecessary to go out a second time as I was just happy knowing he had done all this without me. He said he had things he still wanted to pick up for me. I thought my heart would burst.

It does not even matter what he bought me (although they were all great gifts). This morning I was woken up to receive a cup of coffee brewed especially for me and a bed full of presents – they showed care and thought and mean the world to me. I will look at them, use them, watch them and forever remember the day I knew my husband was working to change as much as I was.

And I know we will be ok now.

After my recovery from PND there was so much damage to repair, resentment to let go of, and common ground to find. I was worried we might never find our way back, but it seems fitting that my 40th birthday should mark the start of a new stage of our life and I am happy and my heart is filled with gratitude.

Edited to add: 10 minutes after I finished this post my husband arrived home. As I heard him walking around outside I heard rustling and swear my heart skipped a beat as it sounded like paper used to wrap bunches of flowers. I told you I have sensitive hearing – in he walks with something definitely from a florist but wrapped so carefully and placed in a small box. I could see how proud and excited he was to reveal this last gift. A beautiful, single, slipper orchid in a vase. Selected with care as it would last for weeks and could sit by my desk for me to enjoy while I work. Oh yes – 40 is going to be a wonderful year, I can feel it in my heart!

What are you grateful for this week?

Find your simple,

Deb

Image: Live gratitude- print available from etsy