Two months ago I launched this blog and it marked the start of a new chapter in my life after 8 years as a stay at home mom. I was finally taking time daily to work on something concrete that was entirely separate from raising my family. I did not anticipate there would be a negative side to these changes.
I am loving it, but found so much of my time was being taken up (who knew a blog was so time consuming) both in learning how to create a blog and then writing and social media. I was also starting to look externally for validation – I was becoming more insecure by the day as I wondered why some posts did well and others got no comments. I was watching what other bloggers were doing and starting to feel like I was in a race to catch up with them and be on the same level NOW. I just felt this major shift and it triggered a spiral towards depression and anxiety again. I realised I needed to detach from the “others” aspect of blogging and get back to why I started this in the first place.
I started exploring the net, working on gratitude and appreciation and how they could be the key to turning this around. I realised it could help me in so many ways, beyond just letting go of the fears around blogging and setting up a business. I decided to look for ways I could make this a habit and part of my life and change things for the better.
“Instead of criticizing, show gratitude”
I read about this idea at Advanced Life Skills and had such an a-ha moment. I suffer from a terrible ailment – I am hyper critical BUT only of people I love dearly. Isn’t that terrible? I have always saved the best of me for others and given the crappy side to my family. I would never dream of correcting a friend or nagging them about what they have “failed” to do, but I do this to my husband, children, mother all the time.
“Never compare your beginning to someone else’s middle”
I included this very quote from Jon Acuff in my original about me page and meant it – in reference to everything else I was writing about except I forgot to apply it to this new venture of mine. Hypocritical? I will look at it as being too close to a subject to see it and apply it at home. My blog is two months old – not two years. Yes, there are newish bloggers already racking up great stats, but I am wasting time and energy focusing on them, when I should be using that energy here on my own site.
“Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful”
One of my biggest hurdles is my perfectionism. It ties everything up in a neat bow – with blogging I am expecting so much from myself instead of just letting myself write a post and put it out there I think I can get it “right” first. With my family I have always placed too many expectations on them and think my way is “right” when my way is just one way. Life itself is one big imperfect mess and who am I to try to put the universe “right”.
How am I planning to make this shift?
- I am starting a gratitude journal (and will share some great tools soon for those that want to do this too). I already shared this with my kids as they walked in on me watching a crafting tutorial and both went off and made their own journals (thankful that they are not insanely held up by the need to make a “perfect” journal).
- I will be linking up with Maxabella Loves on Fridays for a weekly round up of what has made me most grateful in the week.
- Regular conversations as a family about what we are thankful for and what were the highs and lows of our days (we have done this sporadically in the past). In the comments on this post by Rachel at Hands Free Mama I fell in love with extending this concept to include the highs, lows, crazy, and grateful, allowing each of us to share whatever we want in those categories. It brings most of the focus to the fun, positive, varying nature of our lives.
- I am following along and joining in with the community at Alicia’s 365 moments of gratitude project on facebook . I will be looking for ideas, getting inspired and refocusing every day along with others.
There are so many benefits to maintaining a practice of gratitude - do you already have this focus in your life? Is there anything you can add on the subject?
Find your simple,
Deb
Follow up posts: week one check in
image credits from pinterest:
Always something to be grateful for
Turns what we have into enough
Never wish you were somebody else
Life does not have to be perfect
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
This is a fantastic post!
And you have nothing to be insecure about as yours is a fantastic blog, it truly is!
Write for you, & don’t worry about stats/comments
every day I feel the need to express/write/ventilate. And that’s the sole reason why I blog 
And I love taking part in maxabella’s grateful for Saturday’s, because it forces you to be grateful at least once a week
Keep doing what you’re doing, because you’re doing a wonderful job!
xx
Cherie @ a baby called Max recently posted..Dear Max.
Thanks Cherie – I am grateful that I have met you through blogging. You are generous with your words and spirit!
Debra Dane recently posted..An epic list of 50 ideas to start taking care of yourself
Hi Debra, I have recently subscribed to your blog and am very greatful! What an inspirational and motivating post. You have provided so many wonderful thoughts.
Rachelle
Thank you so much Rachelle. I am happy that it has made you think and am grateful that you took the time to comment – it is one way of letting me know I am doing things “right” LOL. The thing I have noticed about gratitude is that it is a “practice” and that means we should not have crazy expectations even for this change – I expect it will take time and conscious effort to make it part of my daily life. One step at a time though….
Debra Dane recently posted..5 Life lessons learned at the gym
Hi Deb
I have recently found your blog via Maxabella and I do appreciate the premise of your blog.
I do so much love the sentiment in this post.
I do love Maxabella and still read avidly. But I had to pull back from doing weekly grateful posts because this ended up feeling like another race, another “should”, I really then had to question my motives.
I had done a month of being grateful around the time of my birthday, in mainly isolation before stumbling across the blog hops. In fact the reason I blog is to be more positive as I am so prone to negativity and being miss cranky pants at times.
I started a personal/family blog nearly 2 years ago now. My average daily readership is 8. I have found some very dear genuine people to connect with. Only a very small handful, but I am happy.
Go gently
Jill
Jillian recently posted..Night time in Broken hill
Jill – thank you so much for commenting. I totally understand where you are coming from and can see how it can go down that path.
Part of the journey for me is definitely letting go of the “shoulds”, the expectations and pressure of unattainable standards.
I am approaching this gratitude journey as just that – a journey that will take practice and will be whatever it becomes. I don’t plan to write a “daily” gratitude journal because I know I would not maintain that. Instead I am hoping that the blog linkup will remind me each week to reflect on what I had and then carry that forward. The more places I see and read about gratitude, the more it will reinforce it for me.
I visited your blog and love your writing – happy to have found another blog to read and engage with. Hubby and I travelled to outback NSW and loved Broken Hill so I loved reading your latest post (hubby so wants to go back there)!
I know you are not linking up anymore, but I hope that you will join in the discussion here where I really want to explore the effects of gratitude (and would love to hear your experience) – I plan to write from the heart what really is making me grateful and it can be something as small as the taste of new season fruit or something as large as my health.
Thanks again and welcome
Deb xx
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Dear Deb,
Thank you for reminding me to not be so ‘perfect’. To be grateful and not impatient. I too have this ‘perfectionism’ notion and put higher expectations on myself and my family than anyone else. The need to be just simple not perfect, make progress is where I am headed. I shall try not to be consumed in that ‘perfect’ methodology and instead remind myself of the little things….Thank you for the push to make the gratitude project happen.
So happy that you are interested in this too – perfectionism is the enemy of so much good. My two main enemies are perfectionism and fear – I plan to explore both in the coming weeks. We all need to give ourselves a break and allow ourselves to be human – with imperfections, limitations, needs (often conflicting with others).
I always love hearing that ad on TV (never remember which bank or insurance company it is) that sings “from little things, big things grow”, but I love it – it is a great reminder that everything starts out small and new! What we nurture and care for will grow.
Debra Dane recently posted..That’s Pinterest…ing {Pumpkin recipes to die for}
This is a beautiful post. In the section where you mention worrying about your blog stats and why some posts receive more comments than others, I felt like I was reading my diary. I love your quote about not comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle. I will remember that one.
I finally just had to let go of the need to “please” everyone else, and just write what is on my heart. I stopped looking at my stats and that helped tremendously.
I try get outside every day, even if it is for a short walk. When I am outside, my thoughts of gratitude flow. Something about nature and fresh air allows me to get out of my “bubble” and be thankful for the many blessings in and around me.
You have been a blessing to me today. Thank you for being so beautifully authentic and sharing what is on your heart.
Hands Free Mama recently posted..The Present That Is Your Past
Thank you so much Rachel – your writing inspires me every time you post and I am grateful I found your blog a while ago.
I totally agree about being outdoors – I don’t do it nearly enough anymore. Before we had Lulu we lived near the beach and I did not have a driver’s license yet (got that at 31 years old). I walked anywhere from 30 minutes to 4 hours a day (when Alice did not nap I just walked around for the whole “nap time”). I think all that walking is part of why I was happier and helped keep that round of PND as mild.
One of the first things I noted for this week’s gratitude was a nature thing – I will write more about it this weekend, but my favourite time in Australia is the late September – November period when the Jacaranda trees are in bloom. We bought this house in December and just this week I looked out my office window and actually noticed my next door neighbour’s front yard – she has a Jacaranda and it had started to bloom. I was so excited and grateful and I know every day I will stop to appreciate that tree.
Debra Dane recently posted..Meal Planning Printables and Crafts Round Up
I just found your wonderful blog. I can identify with what you’ve written. Comparison is such an awful thing – but I love that quote in your post about envy. To stop the comparison game in my life, I have been learning to have an attitude of gratitude, and it really makes a difference.
Debbie recently posted..Fear of the Dark.
So happy you found me Debbie – just read your latest post and off to comment on that fear of the dark … we went through the same thing. I can see I am about to get lost in your blog – I am loving having all these people find their way here who I can also learn from and dialogue with…
Debra Dane recently posted..Meal Planning Printables and Crafts Round Up
Dear Deb,
Are you me? I am confused.
Love Me (or is that You?)
Ps Our mums would have a lot in common to say about us methinks
Lovely and well written post Deb. Laney x
Laney @ Crash Test Mummy recently posted..{Take Care} Take a mental health day
Thanks hon. You know recently I have started connecting with certain bloggers where we have so much in common and are on the same wavelength, similar struggles, quirks, etc. More and more of them keep appearing in my life lately – but you were one of the 1st !
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