Narrowing down my core values by getting to the heart of the matter

I have long been in touch with who I am and what I stand for  as many of those ideas are the same now as they were when I was a young girl. What I had never done, but was sure was needed, was to clarify what my top values were. For a long time I had this instinct telling me that if we clarify these values for ourselves it would be a major aid in simplifying life.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” -Dr. Suess

By keeping it to five values in focus it does not mean we do not acknowledge additional values, but does allow us to use the five  as a guide. I know others have written on this subject and suggest 5, 8 or 10 values to focus on. I have said before I am not an expert or a guru, but someone following her instincts and experience. My theory is that to make real and deep change we need to simplify what our “why”s are. We need to work with concentrated effort on less areas of focus, create change and then build on that. Instead of tackling all 10 areas you value, and getting overwhelmed and making no progress, I want you to cut to the core of who you are and get your life in alignment with that.

In my case my initial values list looks like this:

• Adventure
• Authenticity
• Connection
• Compassion
• Courage
• Equality
• Family
• Gratitude
• Growth
• Integrity
• Intuition
• Responsible
• Service (to others)

I think looking at that list I see a good representation of myself. I am what you would call (in the USA) a bleeding heart liberal. I am proud to wear that moniker as I believe above all else in changing the world for the better by giving everyone the same access to resources, wealth, rights and privileges regardless of location, gender, history or any other variable of judgement that currently comes up to deny a helping hand or rights. It’s no wonder I spent my youth planning to be an international lawyer (human rights or NGO work) and have worked for a non profit in Thailand amongst other things.

It definitely gets tougher to narrow to five so here is my list:

• authenticity
• connection*
• family
• gratitude
• growth

*4 of the 5 were easy to nail down, but the 5th was incredibly hard so I chose connection and will explain more below

Ranking my core values to gain further clarity

#1 Gratitude: If you asked me even two months ago if this would be #1 I would have said no. I am putting it in first position as I have discovered over the last 4-6 weeks that when I lose my connection with gratitude everything else slips. This last month saw the kids at home for the summer, my mother visiting, my husband having various days off for the holidays and me falling into old habits. I stopped focusing on the positives, stopped pushing myself to let things go and embrace things as they are. I did not like the person I was quickly becoming so know this value has got to stay top of mind and in my sights as the one value I need to cling to if all else were taken away.

#2 Growth: This is where we get real and honest and away from “shoulds”. Looking at my top 5 list many people would feel pressure to list family as number one. How could I value other things above family? I put growth in second position because if I am talking about my values as an individual I know that learning, self reflection, journaling, and personal growth are of utmost importance to me.

I am that kid who loved school for the learning it brought and recently considered getting a Masters in library science because books and information are my passion. I have kept journals since I was a 12-13 year old girl and amongst my few possessions being stored in America these last 17 years are a box filled with all my journals. I boxed them up before I went travelling and my 22 year old self attached a note that under no circumstances was it to be opened or thrown away. I read constantly (up to 5 books on the go at once), am a non fiction junkie and when I find a story I fall in love with I can stay up all hours reading.

 

#3 Family: I love my family with all my heart. I need them. I am amazed by them and the fact that I even have my own little family here with me – reading stories, cuddling, talking through problems, nurturing each other. My children know that one of my few constant reminders is “sisters over friends”. I want them to value each other and our home life more than they value friendships, being accepted by peers or chasing something exciting or shiny.

 

#4 Authenticity: This should come as no surprise as the badge on the sidebar says “find your simple”. My whole ethos is about being true to who you are and not living your life for other people, society’s expectations or what you imagine is the “right” or “good” way to be.

One example of me being authentic and honouring my needs is not trying to change from being an introvert. As a parent we are constantly needed and alone time can be hard to come by. In my case I need time alone every day to recharge and regroup and to keep true to this value I don’t ignore that part of me. Instead I explain to my kids that I need to be by myself and I will go have a bath or read alone in my room or watch a short bit of a favourite DVD. My kids can survive and doing this has allowed me to make it all the way to their bedtime every day!

 

#5 Connection: As I said it was hard to choose the last core value as many others were important to me. I cheated ever so slightly as I think connection for me covers some of my other areas. When I look at my need to serve others I know by honouring connection I would bring focus to connecting through service as well. I also think by focusing on connection (with my family, friends and others) I would find myself bringing adventure into my life.  I do know that while connection and helping others has always brought me great satisfaction, my online life this year has crossed a line. I used to be more hands free, but recently have become almost completely immersed online. This has led to less connection with my husband and children and that will stop in 2012. I lost touch with the fact that this value has to be kept in balance. This is where I know choices have to be made and sometimes I will have to say no to others and to myself.

I felt comfortable leaving equality, compassion, responsible and intuition off my final list because these are so truly engrained in my being that I feel they will never slip from my focus and I want my 5 to be ones that I am focused on this year, set my priorities to match and grow them through greater intentionality.

 

Your values are your values – this is the time to be true to who you are. If not now when?

 

Find your simple,

Deb 

 

 

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Changes your behaviour

Dare to be different 

count your blessings

 

Tagged as: 52 weeks to simplify your life, mindset, values