I am a few weeks away from turning 40 and constantly find myself drawn to the past. Part of me knows about mindfulness, staying in the present and letting go of what has already happened (you can’t un-ring a bell). The other part of me loves to listen to old music, reminisce and think about old friends. Having chosen a life of an expat I have lived away from “home” for over 17 years now (13 in Australia). I am lucky that I met my husband immediately after I left home and after 3 months of friendship we crossed a line… so he has been the one constant in my life in these 17+ years. The part that is never constant is friendship. We settle in, make friends, and have always moved on at some point, only to have to do it all over again.
In 1995 we were living with my husband’s parents in England while we figured out our next steps and went off to visit a friend in Cardiff. She introduced him to a friend of hers in the same profession who was heading to Bangkok for work. Long story short, we used my travel savings to fund a trip to Thailand for hubby to be interviewed and hired on spec (meaning they would not do so until he was in country). We arrived at the mutual friend’s apartment where we spent the next two weeks sleeping on a mattress in his dining room. He is a friend to this day. The unexpected gain from that trip was one of his roomates became one of the most important people in our lives. He (and his then-girlfriend, now-wife) became our best friends and lifelong “friendship soul mates”. We went on to work assignments (thanks to our husbands) in Hong Kong and Sydney after years in Thailand. He was our best man travelling back to NYC with a 6 month old baby in tow. When we moved up to Brisbane five years ago it coincided with their decision to move back to the UK. A friendship begun on a fluke has lasted through many moves, lost jobs, long periods of not speaking (due to time differences not problems). Yesterday thanks to the stars aligning we caught each other via skype for a few precious moments as we were winding down our day and they were getting ready to start theirs – a few stolen moments before trips to the gym, school drop offs, etc. I miss our “best friend family” but am so grateful for those moments however brief – phone calls, skype chats, visits to England, sweet gifts that arrive for my girls.
This week I am also grateful for the strong connections made when I was a young girl and how technology keeps me connected while I am far away. Over two years ago my husband gave me a wonderful gift. I had been trying to go back “home” with my girls and as usual airfares were still high. I had not been back to New York in 5 years. My husband suggested I just go by myself! He took 10 days off work to be with the girls and they road tripped to Sydney. I flew to NYC alone and found myself with time to devote to seeing my sister, some family, catching up with my oldest friends. Thanks to Facebook I had been recently reconnected with my gang of friends from primary school. I had not seen many of these people in over 15 years, but these were the people I had seen daily for so many years and time melted away as we sat down to lunch and again for a dinner. I now catch up with them on and off via facebook and for that I am grateful – through them I am forever connected to the happiest time in my life. I was carefree, connected and my family was whole. What a gift.
On that trip I also saw my oldest girlfriends from senior school and instantly I was 15 again! This week they and my extended school family have been reconnected again via Facebook. After watching and supporting our friend as he battled bravely in a fight against sarcoma we read the news that he had been taken from us. His passing has brought even more old friends out and we are all talking, reminiscing, remembering how great we had it with our school family. Chris was one of those “good guys” whose smile and energy was ever present. His updates during his cancer battle made me believe with all my heart that he would beat it -they conveyed such a positive energy and his wonderful smile was still visible while in a hospital room! Yet again I am thousands of miles away when I wish so strongly to be back home.
I am thinking of all those young boys and girls I knew who are now approaching 40 (and some have already hit the milestone). In the car today I heard songs on the radio that immediately took me back to being 13-15 years old. I can picture us hanging out in classrooms, joking around, silly teenage teasing that I always hated, our favourite local spots to grab lunch, subway rides all over Manhattan, school dances, “inside jokes”, ski trips, making plans for our futures and going our separate ways.
I am grateful that we can always come home again.
I am grateful that true friendships will always stand the test of time.
I am grateful for technology that has closed the gap between Australia and the places where my heart resides with friends that count!
What are you grateful for this week? Is there someone you need to call and tell them you love them, miss them or are just thinking of them? Please do it today!
Find your simple,
Deb
I will be linking up with Bron and her grateful group that is now hosted over at Kidspot! Check out a whole group of people all connecting over gratitude.
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Awww, Deb your in my thoughts today, what a lovely blog. Happy Memories are so valuable to help you through Sad times of loss. Take care xxx
Beautifully written xxx
Melissa recently posted..Just Being….
Twitter: shelleyshoebox
January 28, 2012 at 6:40 am
Such a heartfelt post Deb. Two years ago I reconnected with my best friend from high school who I hadn’t seen in almost 20 years ago, and it has been life changing for both of us. I feel blessed every day to have her back in my life. So sorry to hear of the passing of your friend. xx
Shelley recently posted..Grateful For Listening
Twitter: mixedgems
January 28, 2012 at 9:09 am
I do understand the longing for friendships, particularly old and precious ones. I’ve not moved much as you, but most of my significant friends of 10-30 years live interstate or overseas. The busyness of adult and family life has made it hard to keep up sometimes. I miss them, reminisce about the past and get all sentimental too, but as you said, living in the present is important too. Sorry to hear about your loss.
Veronica @ Mixed Gems recently posted..Grateful for…Kindness
It is hard, and while sometimes the world seems like a small place, missing friends and family makes you realise how big the world really is. I lived in the US for 11 years, and most of my very dearest friends are there. I hate that the world is spread so far apart and that it’s so expensive and time consuming to travel to Atlanta, or England, where I have other great friends. But I am thankful for technology and especially Facebook, because when I moved home to the Gold Coast I reconnected with a group of beautiful women that I was friends with in high school. We weren’t really in touch (ok, not at all) while I was over seas, but we have picked up where we left off, and are probably closer now than when we are in school. I love that we can reminisce about the good times but there is plenty in our “now” lives to talk about, too. None of that awkward silence like “ok we’ve caught up, now what?” Friendships like that are so rare and special, I think. We had friends in Atlanta who were our friendship soul mates, too, and we miss them all the time, even though time and distance has created a bit of a barrier I think. I know you can’t go back, but I think seeing that you can’t go back makes the times with friends and family now all that much more special, b/c we’re old enough and wise enough to realise how important that time is.
p.s. I come to your page so much it’s one of the Top Sites when I open my safari web browser!! ha ha!
Twitter: findyoursimple
January 28, 2012 at 1:15 pm
Thanks ladies!
Shelley and Aroha- that is incredible after so many years that you both reconnected with old high school friends (that is like my fantasy come to life).
and Aroha – that made me smile.
Debra Dane recently posted..Redefining Normal
my best friend has been just that for 31yrs of my 44 on this earth, we havent always lived near each other…we do now…and it great. Lovely post Deb…turning 40 is so exciting…enjoy!!
Jen R recently posted..The Grateful journal…part 2
Twitter: muminsearch
January 28, 2012 at 9:47 pm
I am so grateful for all the same things – old friends and technology. Life would be much more lonely without Skype.
Tat recently posted..Grateful for an in-law free holiday
The friendships we make while we are growing up are so special, and are very rarely repeated. I caught up with old school friends two weeks ago, it was great time – and we’re only separated by a few hundred kms, not a few thousand!
Mum of Adult Kids recently posted..Grateful for people who care
I met up with old school friends over Christmas and was floored by the fact that we all got so old! But after a while I realised that there is something wonderful about knowing a group of people who still think I’m 16 years old and everything is ahead of me. It’s nice to look back to remember what it’s like to look forward… x
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