I never thought I would be so busy again.
I have been at home with the kids for nine years next month. The last two years with both kids at school found me on a slow decline into a stage of life that included “filling my days”. I would run errands, volunteer at school, get some house stuff done and eventually pick them up from school again.
I started renting videos and catching up on all those movies I missed in their early years when we went from weekly cinema visits to annual.
I started aimlessly window shopping and trying to find something to put in my cart.
I started panicking – what was I going to do since it had been so long since I last worked.
Last year I decided to start something for me and for my future. I would study, start a business, find my feet on a new path. On the side I started the blog naively thinking it would be a few hours a week. I was shocked to find myself not just on a new path, but in a new world.
Suddenly videos went unwatched. Books on my bedside table seemed to stay there a lot longer. My lack of aimless shopping helped the bank account (slightly).
Right now I am working on my first “work” project and I will be honest and say it has been a hard road full of self doubt and fear and exhaustion. Several times I thought I would stop. It seemed easier to just head back to the video shop or the mall – aimless was easy.
Then I realised that easy is not better, it just hurts less.
Did I really want to go back to aimless?
I started to feel grateful for the pain and discomfort. I started to exercise those long neglected parts of my mind. I started to trust that this new path and new world were ones I could navigate.
So tonight as I am too tired to write a long blog post I am grateful for that exhaustion – like muscles that have been worked to the point of fatigue, I am starting to use up everything I have. As the trainer at the gym often says to us “have you got anything left in the tank?” Finally I can answer no, I am using it all up today!
I am grateful for no longer needing to “fill my days”.
What are you grateful for this week?
Find your simple,
Photo credit: Exhausted
linking up with Bron and Kidspot for 52 weeks of grateful over at their Village Voices hangout!