“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” ~ Albert Einstein
As a recovering perfectionist I have worked long and hard on letting myself off the hook. Along with accepting I cannot do it all, be it all and know it all, I have come to focus on the positives in this life. When looking at “imperfection” with new eyes I was able to celebrate all I did do, celebrate how I am “good enough”, and that I can learn one thing at a time. I was able to finally focus on the positive side to making mistakes and being imperfect.
1. Mistakes are an opportunity to learn and grow
The most important aspect for me is seeing mistakes as part of my journey. It allows for creative thinking as I look at what did not work and what might work in the future. When you make a mistake you have a choice – beat yourself up and stay in the negative or choose to learn from it for the next time and focus on it positively. Every mistake you make as you try something new is taking you one step closer to success.
“Mistakes are the usual bridge between inexperience and wisdom.” ~ Phyllis Theroux
2. Mistakes allow for greater empathy
One aspect of perfectionism that had the worst effect on my family was expecting others to not make mistakes too. Nitpicking, nagging, getting upset over silly things that really don’t matter in the big scheme of things. Now when I make a mistake I take a moment to let it sink in and remind myself that I am not perfect, nor is anyone else, and I find my patience grows for when someone else makes a mistake next time.
“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” ~ Elbert Hubbard
3. Making mistakes shows my kids I am not perfect
It is very important to me that my kids learn that they don’t have to be perfect. If they never saw adults make mistakes how would they know it is okay to do so themselves. I have had to show my kids that their teachers even make mistakes (don’t send home something when it was supposed to happen, typos on papers, etc) so they would be comfortable asking questions, accepting less than 100% grades or owning up to a mistake made at school.
At home my husband and I have always owned up to our mistakes and apologized to our children without hesitation. We are showing them that everyone is the same and that mistakes are not things to be feared.
4. Mistakes are a chance for me to practice self-love
How do you talk to yourself when you make a mistake? Do you beat yourself up and speak negatively or do you find a way to let it go and accept you are human? I often found myself calling myself stupid or getting annoyed at all the little things that I “should” have been able to do easily. Now when I stop myself (earlier and earlier) I have a chance to be kind to myself, treat myself the way I would treat a good friend, and practice unconditional love. This is a chance to practice saying positive and forgiving things to yourself.
Can you find the beauty in making mistakes?
Find your simple,
Deb
Images: Mitsakes – by flickr user opensourceway
I am linking up with Jess for I Blog on Tuesdays at Diary of a SAHM (go check it out)
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you so much for this post Deb. This is very apt for me right now. I have had a couple of days where I have done 2 things that I thought would be ok and it turned out wrong. One I was putting some appliques on a quilt with an iron on my dining table. Major fail as it made the varnish go funny and now I just noticed varnish on my material. Oh well it adds some extra colour I guess LOL. And the second I only just noticed last night. I mixed up 2 numbers in the BSB no of a funds transfer. I was stressing a little last night as it was a lot of money and then I decided to stop stressing and I downloaded a guided meditation album and listened to it to help me sleep. It really helped. I have learned a lot from these mistakes and I think I even helped my hubby learn a bit. A) dining table – my son will probably do worse in coming years so it is nice to be able to realise I didn’t react irrationally like I would have in the past, B) don’t do things when you are tired, mistakes happen then, C) always read properly and double check things that I send (this is particularly a bad thing for me, I tend to send lots of emails without attachments). I think we always need to remember that mistakes are learning opportunities.
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March 6, 2012 at 7:51 am
You are welcome!
Another thing about mistakes is that often we feel we are the only ones who have ever done that “stupid” thing. I have also messed up a BSB/account detail when paying a bill (I had not noticed this provider changes our ref # every time and reused the last one). People miss details all the time!
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March 6, 2012 at 11:09 am
Great advice Deb. I especially agree with point 3 – something I am working on with my eldest, who is a perfectionist and struggles when she doesn’t get things right the first time (ha! I wonder who she learnt that from?!) I think it’s so important to learn from our mistakes – to change what we can and move on from what we can’t. I actually sent some emails out at 2am this morning (long story why I was up then!) – and then woke at 4am, realising that I had made an error. At first I stressed because it wasn’t “perfect” – but decided to let it go. It took a lot of courage to get the emails out, and I wasn’t about to spoil my courageous moment by beating myself up over a small thing.
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March 6, 2012 at 6:42 pm
It’s great that you were able to let it go and focus on the positives of you sending the emails in the first place!
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March 6, 2012 at 11:14 am
I never really thought of myself as a perfectionist, because I’m not a very organised person and I do know I make mistakes.. but I relate to #2 though whereby I sometimes have high expectations of very small things, but some things that matter to me. I must learn to not sweat the small stuff…
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March 6, 2012 at 6:43 pm
I know it is easier said than done – it takes effort on my part to tell myself to just breathe and ignore whatever thing is making me crazy!
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This is a fantastic post Deb. I too used to be a perfectionist and the worse thing was, just as you say, expecting the same from others. Now, each mistake I make I learn from and encourage my children to do the same, and most importantly know it is okay and in fact good, to make mistakes.
x
Twitter: findyoursimple
March 6, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Yay a reformed perfectionist – that is great! I am still in “recovering” mode
Debra Dane recently posted..Top 10 tips for better sleep and better health
This is great Deb. My main motivator is my children because I see perfectionist tendencies in them. If they can see that I let myself off the hook a bit then hopefully they’ll learn by example and will do the same. As always, a very useful post.
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Twitter: findyoursimple
March 6, 2012 at 6:45 pm
Thanks – that is exactly my motivation too – I wish I had caught it in myself sooner, but with kids comes some awareness as you realise what you do and say shapes them every day
Debra Dane recently posted..Simplify your life {Week Nine: Go easier on yourself}
Twitter: aparentinglife
March 6, 2012 at 2:16 pm
What a wise woman you are Deb. Thank you for sharing this with us. We all make mistakes, they are unfortunately a part of life. However it is not so much the mistake that causes problems but the way we deal with it. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses
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March 6, 2012 at 6:46 pm
Exactly Rhianna (and I love your sign off – fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to you too!)
Debra Dane recently posted..Cooking with kids: How to have fun and stay sane
I think they make you appreciate non-mistakes more. If that makes sense. This is a great list, very important lessons are learned from mistakes!
Twitter: findyoursimple
March 6, 2012 at 6:46 pm
That is a good point Aroha! Kind of like you need darkness to appreciate the light
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Such a great thought provoking post Deb. Especially love that quote you put in; will have to write that one down.
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March 7, 2012 at 12:50 pm
Thanks Jess.
Debra Dane recently posted..Simplify your life {Week Nine: Go easier on yourself}
Love this. Yes, I have struggled with making mistakes too (who am I kidding? I still do!), but you have outlined it so well. I particularly resonate with the idea of demonstrating mistakes (and overcoming them) to our kids. I don’t think this was modelled to me much as a child – perhaps one of the reasons I ended up as a perfectionist!
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March 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm
I agree Julie – I don’t really have any memories of problems at home (ie no fighting from my parents or anything that showed what went on behind the scenes)
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I’ve been a mum for 18 years. Some days it’s less stressful to shrug your shoulders and say “oh well” than to stay perfect
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March 7, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Ah yes – I will hopefully one day be 100% ok with “oh well”, it does take effort to let it go (even if intellectually you desperately want to)
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March 7, 2012 at 5:54 am
Debra:
I’ve been following your blog and really enjoy what you’ve done with it. I haven’t commented on a lot of your posts, but I couldn’t hold back on this one.
I know that my perfectionism and not wanting to seem like I don’t know something has held me back at times.
It’s still there, but I think it’s receding some.
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March 7, 2012 at 12:53 pm
Thank you for commenting. I agree about the wanting to always seem like you know everything – that is a big issue for me too. receding is good – all progress is major!
Debra Dane recently posted..Cooking with kids: How to have fun and stay sane