As a perfectionist (recovering thank you) I struggle with leaving things out and lowering my expectations. My blog posts tend towards the longer side for fear of being misunderstood or appearing “incomplete”. I set out to reply to all comments. I get back to people super fast on email. What I do is create a fast paced frenzy that is self inflicted. I am someone who gets herself worked up into a lather!
This week I learned to let go a bit more.
I did not reply to every comment even though I felt anxious and awful about it. (I needed room to breathe and let myself off the hook and let a few slide by.)
I was struggling writing a post Monday night and decided I would let it go instead of beating myself up and forcing the right words to come. (I was able to relax with hubby and watch a great DVD and just did not post the next day)
Faced with a huge link up to read through (92 posts as I write this) I slowed down and gave myself permission to read what I can, when I can. (It meant I was able to go to the movies with my kids, play several rounds of Candyland and watch my 6 year old’s puppet show / comedy act.)
I wrote about my core values yesterday and mentioned that I had gone off the rails with online time since I launched my blog. I have connected with people in a virtual world, but left no time to be with my family – at least not the way they and I want – fully present and engaged, not with one eye on social media or moderating comments.
I am grateful that at the peak of a frenzy I chose to pull back instead of dive in further.
I am grateful that my family have been patient with me.
{and look at that – a post of just over 300 words! Less is more!}
Find your simple,
Deb
I am linking up with Maxabella at her new grateful digs at Kidspot – it is wonderful that the message of gratitude is being spread wider and farther in 2012!
Image: Love more worry less
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Well done Deb you have wonderful insight to be able to realize what you need and then to be able to do it! I agree so much with writing and feeling the need to be understood or rather don’t want to be misunderstood! Look back last night at my first blog and realised it was sooo long! Sometimes I guess less is more! Have a great day. Daniela x
Twitter: findyoursimple
January 13, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Long can be good too – it just takes a lot more effort for me to be free enough to write less. I aim to write a short post each week if possible!
Debra Dane recently posted..The Importance of Values
Hi Deb, I’ve just recently discovered your blog.
I understand you completely about feeling frantic if I haven’t replied to everyone’s comments (when I get some) or emails straight away, and also tend to write more than is probably needed in my posts. I guess I’m a bit of a perfectionist too!! 
Julie recently posted..Week 2: My hubby’s job
Twitter: findyoursimple
January 13, 2012 at 5:27 pm
We have a very big club with too many members… but you are in good company.
Debra Dane recently posted..52 weeks to simplify your life {SYL: Week 1}
You know this is the way to be. Less really is more (especially when it comes to the addictive online world!). I think it’s amaaazing that you reply to every comment and visit every link. I manage to get to all my linnk-ups over the course of one week, but I could never do it faster than that and any pressure is all my own. Don’t fall into that trap, especially as your Simply link-up is just going to get bigger and bigger.
And, just quietly, I’ve always preferred a shorter post! x
Maxabella recently posted..52 weeks of grateful: family
Twitter: findyoursimple
January 13, 2012 at 5:30 pm
1st you are not the first to tell me they like shorter posts from me and i did manage it a handful of times on personal development. Will do more of the less this year ; )
I had no idea so many would link up originally… so am glad i realised slow was the only way to go, every time i read a few twice as many appeared in the linky. It is at 96 now and i have 2 1/2 days to read the last 36 – can do it!
Debra Dane recently posted..2011 reflections filled with gratitude
Good on you.
Inspiring stuff.
I’ve taken my foot off the pedal in the last fortnight – and loved it.
I’m just a tad scared I won’t be able to rev up now when I need to!!!
Mum on the Run recently posted..Grateful For… A Page Turner
Twitter: findyoursimple
January 13, 2012 at 5:30 pm
I am thinking the middle ground is where it is at – not the hard run and not the chill out zone – maybe a fast walk ; )
Debra Dane recently posted..One size doesn’t fit all
I know the exact feeling – about pretty much everything above {recovering perfectionist too}!
A little while ago – when posts were getting longer and longer as I tried to cover off and clarify every little thing that I said – I realised that I was being ridiculous. Since then I have aimed (where possible) to keep my posts to 500 words. That’s the length of post I like to read and it made me refine my sentences rather than rambling on trying to anticipate every thought that a reader might have. I decided to leave clarification for the comments!!
Kelly Exeter recently posted..One word for 2012
Twitter: findyoursimple
January 14, 2012 at 7:53 am
We perfectionists all really do have the same thought process don’t we – you pretty much summed it up and I know you have the answer there – the trust and faith in the process holds me back (what if no one asks for clarification etc and just leaves annoyed). This year I am trusting that process more and more and know there has to be a balance between what I cover and what the readers find for themselves or ask in the comments if they want to know more. Thanks Kelly!
Debra Dane recently posted..2011 reflections filled with gratitude
This post deserves the biggest, brightest, most sparkly gold star that can be found for its living wisdom.
Hooray for you and your excellent choices!
Felicity recently posted..Gathering Gratefuls – Sparkle & Grace
Twitter: findyoursimple
January 14, 2012 at 11:44 am
Thank you so much Felicity- your words mean a lot to me.
Debra Dane recently posted..How to be fearless one day at a time
Twitter: PELChantel
January 14, 2012 at 11:58 pm
Wow Deb, just thinking about responding to all the comments you must have been getting the last few weeks is exhausting! It is great that you are allowing yourself time to enjoy what you value most – the majority of the online world is in the same boat as you, so is very forgiving. Enjoy your family first and foremost
Chantel recently posted..Grateful for…….Family
Twitter: findyoursimple
January 15, 2012 at 4:25 pm
Thanks Chantel – that is what I am learning – i will find a balance. i did manage to read all 108 linked up posts so far though and comment LOL. It does tie in with my values though and what i want form others so i guess i have to find a way to do it quickly and selectively on the blog.
Debra Dane recently posted..How to be fearless one day at a time
I’m with Felicity – there is a lot of wisdom in this post and all of us *recovering* perfectionists need to practice going easy on ourselves. I get a lot of satisfaction from constantly being on top of everything but I have to recognise that it comes at a cost. I don’t like the pace and the constant pressure and the things I DON’T GET TO DO as a result. I’ve been getting better at testing my own boundaries lately – NOT doing something in a certain time frame, or at all, and noticing that the world hasn’t ended and that if anyone is thinking badly of me (which they probably aren’t anyway), I can live with it. Challenging stuff.
Twitter: findyoursimple
January 15, 2012 at 4:27 pm
Definitely Jen. It is as you say too – there is a cost there – if i do this then i don’t have time to do that. this is exactly why i need the challenge as much as anyone else as i know when i get back in touch with my values and clear goals related to that my family life will improve. we all have our areas of strength and others that need work – me included!
Debra Dane recently posted..The Importance of Values