A while ago I got a comment on one of my meal plan posts from a reader who could not understand why my children were not eating the same meals as my husband and myself. She felt they were nutritious dishes, full of flavour, a wide variety etc. And therein lies the rub.
I was trying not to take her comment in a bad way, but as always when it comes to feeding my children, and reading about others’ views on feeding children, I feel judged. If we did not have to feed them so damn often I could let it all go, but it is brought into my consciousness every day – multiple times a day.
It starts when I plead with Lulu to eat breakfast since she has never had a morning appetite as I explained when talking about my PND and how I gave up breastfeeding her because I thought it was a supply issue – nope she just is not hungry in the morning.
Then I fret over lunchboxes for school. Neither girl likes sandwiches, yogurt, quiches, or a dozen other options I see mentioned endlessly. Peanut butter is banned at our school which is unfortunate as Alice could live on the stuff (and has tried!). I have been known to cry over a lunchbox when I open it up at 3:30 and find only 1 food item missing – how can an 8 year old survive from 8am – 3pm on one food? When you have major food issues nothing will make you eat – not cute cut out sandwiches, not a fancy bento box and not even getting cranky or feeling sick.
The afternoon is spent trying to get a healthy snack in to make up for the lack of lunch some days. Made tricky when your child has so many food fears and texture issues that she has a limited diet.
By dinnertime you are exhausted, emotionally spent, feeling like a failure and all you want to do is feed your children and get the day done. Instead of trying to convince them that lentils are delicious or children all over the world enjoy hamburgers so why don’t they, you choose to make the same 5 things over and over.
You get excited when a new food is added now to your 8 year old’s diet even if that food is bacon or sausages. The sheer fact that she has tasted something and not hated it is a miracle unto itself. The constant refrain of “too sweet”, “too salty”, “too sour” or “too something or other I cannot even understand anymore” has worn you down.
After five years of battling with this issue with Alice I am grateful at least that she no longer cries or freaks out about food as we reached breaking point last year and she is now a willing participant in trying to overcome her “issues”. I still remember when she was 5 and crying around 3pm. I asked why she was upset and she said “you’re making chicken tonight”. I explained that 1) it was 2 1/2 hours until dinner so I did not know why she was so upset right now and 2) did I ever make her eat anything she did not want? She was so visibly shaken and upset at the thought of possibly having plain chicken on her plate that she was stressed hours in advance.
This is the battle with a child who has real and genuine fears surrounding eating.
This child who is so extremely sensitive to the tastes and textures of food that she can eye up a plate of fish fingers and rightly know that it is a different brand even though they look exactly the same to me. Lesson learned – she ate 2 fish fingers instead of 4+ and I knew consistency was a key thing for her.
Another time we were trialling a health store peanut butter which she hated. We had an outing planned with my husband’s company and I realised we had none of her favourite pb on hand so used the replacement one in her sandwich. I sat nearby as I watched Alice open her lunch pack (back then she was not eating sausages so had opted out of the family BBQ). Ten seconds later I heard the call of “Mom” and the cries over the peanut butter. The entire day she ate only a single bread roll rather than accept a peanut butter other than the one brand she likes. She tried repeatedly to eat it, but could not do it.
So when I see articles and blog posts about “feeding fussy eaters”, and they talk about “all you have to do”, I cringe. The comments usually include praise for the author and criticism for mothers who allow kids to dictate what they eat. How they never cook separate meals and kids just get on with it or starve. How their kids love organic green beans and tofu because they have never let them eat junk food.
All I can think in that moment is how easy it is to judge those of us who do cook the separate meals having never had a child who would rather starve every day than accept a bite of a meatball or even an off brand fish stick.
I also laugh when someone talks about their child being a “fussy eater” simply because the child does not like 2 or 3 particular vegetables or refuses to eat a certain cassserole. I still stand by the fact that not every person likes every food and if your child currently eats a wide variety, but does not like green beans or tofu it is not “fussy” eating – that is called having preferences and it is a normal part of life. My husband does not like peanut butter – would I ever sit down to lunch and serve the family peanut butter sandwiches and force him to eat it? no – and i don’t think you would either. I believe in respecting the fact that kids do have feelings about food – the trick is to find the balance between respect and letting them take themselves down the slippery slope we have endured. If that is the kind of battle you are facing I want to encourage you to give yourself a break and not stress over individual foods being rejected. I hear so many parents spending a lot of energy on this as they are so afraid of “giving in” or letting their child eat or drink something that someone else says they “should” or “should not” be feeding their kids.
I wanted to offer some support and advice to parents with children who are beyond “fussy” eating, but still need to think through all I have learned in the last 5 years so will write a second post when I have it all clear. I definitely made mistakes and funny enough the turning point for us came when I went against everything I believed and had to force the issue finally.
I would love to hear from you if you are dealing with (or have survived) extreme food issues in your house. If you want to comment here or email me I would love your insights, tips, lessons learned.
Updated to add: I shared creative methods that worked in 2011-2012 that I designed or my kids came up with. I hope they help someone else. Part one is here and part two is here.
Find your simple,
Deb
Images:
strawberries by flickr user “clarity”
{ 76 comments… read them below or add one }
I couldn’t agree with you more Deb. My son doesn’t appear to have a fear of foods but I think he may have a problem with texture, and he will point blank refuse to try a new food. From the age of 13 months he became beyond fussy so for 3 years he survived on weetabix for breakfast, bread or crackers or dry cereal for lunch and weetabix again for dinner. In the past year we have made some progress, he decided out of the blue he would like frozen battered calamari, on its own, sausages but not all kinds of course, onion rings and this summer we progressed to plain pasta for dinner. He also discovered pizza and for every night of our holiday in Thailand he had pizza and the one night the pizzeria was closed he had fish fingers. In the last 3 weeks he added battered oven baked fish to his diet. And 2 nights ago when I was having sauteed potatoes with cayenne pepper he asked if he could try one, I almost fell over myself backwards in my rush to give it to him. He decided he liked it though it did burn his lips, and last night he ate a small home made chicken burger. Another year and he should be having a somewhat normal dinner
Snack box is pitiful and I did warn his teacher at the beginning of the year not to be shocked and not to think I dont feed him. It usually contains a plain dry wrap or a soft bread with butter and a yogurt drink. He is 4 years old since July and is a perfect weight and height so I dont stress at all about what he eats, offer but never force and sometimes dont even bother offering any more. He will drink water, milk or yogurt drinks and does not get biscuits, crisps or chocolate except in miniscule amounts at treat times.
DD who is 7 eats relatively normally, not a huge choice of food but at least what I call proper food, though snack boxes often come home untouched like yesterday. She had brekkie at 7 am and dinner at 6, with nothing in between, she did have her bottle of milk at snack time and that was it and I too wonder how she can survive a day like that.
We do our best, it is not worth stressing over though I often think about the lack of nutrients in both my kids as ds doesnt touch any fruit or veg and dd will only eat carrotts and mushrooms, again no fruit. I am hoping that one day they will change.
PS it sounds like ds is eating a lot of processed foods, but usually his dinner consists of just a plain bowl of pasta and on the odd day he has the other foods as well.
I hear you Fiona – I did try not to stress about it for years although it always embarrassed me to bring food along for her to other people’s houses. Thank goodness your ds ate pizza on holiday – that was our breaking point when we were in Europe for 3 months and she was living on the 5 jars of peanut butter i brought (once a day), mostly decent breakfasts and lots of plain pasta and ice cream. the amazing thing is she grew heaps on that trip – shot up probably due to all the calcium in the ice cream. She has always been generally healthy, is slim and is on a constant growth pattern so even the nutritionist said just to give her a vitamin to cover the nutrients she was missing (like Vit C) – until recently she only drank water so now we have finally added juice (cranberry + orange with no sugar added), recently added yakult light probiotic drinks and even some milk on occasion. Now that we have sausages (plain thin pork ones only) she can hit the sausage sizzles all over town, friends’ BBQs and family meals. Even more so she has started letting some foods mix (another big issue and why casseroles etc did not work for 5 years) and trying some sauces like on asian noodle dishes. Her only fruit or veg in pure form is a banana 4+ days a week (and that is because it was the only fruit left in her diet and i told her she had to replace it if she wanted to drop it).
Debra Dane recently posted..A little housekeeping
No advice I’m afraid, but you’re doing a great job!
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thanks for the support leah! I appreciate it.
Debra Dane recently posted..What’s the worst that can happen?
Wow Deb – That is full on! All of my girls are what would be considered fussy eaters, although not quite to the extent as Lulu. My eldest (7) is definitely the “worst” – and I recall almost 6 months where all she wanted for dinner was a grilled cheese sandwich or baked beans…no variation, nothing else was allowed on her plate and she was quite happy to go to bed with an empty stomach instead of having to try anything else. She also has issues with textures and a strong aversion to meat of any sort…
All of my girls are fussy want nothing but a vegemite sandwich or peanut butter….if I put anything else in their lunch box, it will come home untouched and they will be particularly cranky.
I can also relate to some of the ‘fears’ about what we are going to have for dinner – the anxious peering into the kitchen and questioning…I have even found Miss 7 sobbing under her bed and telling herself she is stupid because she does not eat dinner like her sisters…
The first four years were incredibly challenging and the worry and stress and battles I have put myself through…ugh.
I have learnt to let go a lot and things have improved immensely just over the past year. After a lot of reflecting I realized that I was exactly the same as a kid – its one of my ‘karma’ jokes
Your situation sounds a little more ‘extreme’ than mine and I don’t have too much to offer other than I know how exhausting and worrying it can be. Wishing you the best
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Oh yes the aversion to meat – neither eats anything like steak or chops or anything but Lulu at least eats meatballs and loves chicken. Alice was pretty much a pescetarian until she added pork this year (bacon, sausages and champagne leg ham thinly sliced and only if super fresh).
I am so sorry to hear about the same anxiety though – Alice’s breakthrough was quite upsetting and one comment she made was that she wanted to be “normal”. if she could make this go away I know she would – she is not being stubborn or difficult or looking for attention (oh I have read and heard it all)
Thank you for commiserating and sharing your experience Kirri – it all helps me not feel alone and others to hear our stories.
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Another great post Deb. Once again your honesty may well be saving mother’s the world over from beating themselves up!
No huge food issues round at ours, just what I suppose are normal eating “fussiness”. Eating a food for months and then suddenly decided they don’t like it. Refusing to eat a sausage because there’s a picture of an onion on the packet (Grace has onion issues! LOL). Ewan will literally eat the same stuff in his packed lunch every day. I started off think “oh my God, what will people think, he always has the same lunch”. Now I think, you know what…. 80% of the time his lunch box comes back empty. Who cares if its the same stuff day in day out. It’s got meat, carbs and veggies and fruit. What more could anyone ask?
I was a terribly fussy eater as a child – to the point that I would have every food stuff on a separate plate because I could not bear to have any food touching. Even so much of a dot of one food on another and it would be “ruined” and I couldn’t eat it. I never ate and vegetables other than peas and carrots and potatoes. No fruit other than bananas and grape. No meat other than bacon, lamb and chicken. Nothing that even remotely resembled a “sauce” of any description. My goodness… how did my mother ever put up with me?! LOL. Thankfully I’m much more laid back about my food now, although there are still somethings I couldn’t eat in a million years (mashed potato. Hurl!).
I was really conscious of not passing my food issues onto the kids to really try hard not to make an issue of things they don’t like. In our house everyone has to have a “No, thank you” portion of new food. You get a little on your plate (or a side plate) and have to try it but if you don’t like it you can say No, thank you and you don’t have to eat it. Seems to work for the most part.
Like you though there are dishes I make for DH and myself that I know the kids won’t eat so I just cook them separate stuff (which invariably involves a fish finger or a chicken nugget!).
Just another of those parenting minefields that noone warns you about, eh?
love
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Interesting that you were fussy and kids ok – I was an “eat everything” kid (including oysters and other goodies) and ended up with kids who are not.
Minefields indeed Marie!
Debra Dane recently posted..A little housekeeping
If you replaced 8 year old girl with 11 year old boy, your post could have been written by me! My son has real issues with food and like your daughter is not just bothered by tastes but textures and look of food too. He also has favourite brands that cannot be exchanged for something ‘similar’.
He used to get really upset at every meal time, would retch if ‘forced’ to put certain foods in his mouth. We would cheer if one, yes one, single pea was consumed! it made mealtimes stressful and awful. I stopped it about 4 years ago as decided I was making things worse and now give him foods he will eat. Things are very very slowly improving and every so often a new food is added to his limited menu. He eats NO fruit or vegetables, ever, cannot look at a banana let alone touch one and can’t bear to see someone eat baked beans in his view!! Fresh orange is ok so he has to have some every day. He now WILL eat plain roast chicken, no gravy or sauce of course. A plain beefburger is a new addition too as is various breaded chicken instead of one brand of chicken nugget like before.
I really think the laid back approach (easier said than done) is best and he is always offered different food but no fuss is made if he says no (which he always does!) He does much more cooking with my husband now in the hope that seeing how a meal is made will help. Sometimes it does.
I’m delighted when a new food is added by him and hope this will continue into his teenage years. Peer pressure has minimal effect but has added a couple of things (e.g. sausage roll from bakers when out with friends). He is very sporty and healthy, drinks lots of milk and would eat cereal for every meal if allowed! Things are still bad but not nearly as bad as 5 years ago.
He has two brothers who will try anything and the 7 year old even prides himself with considering brussel spouts his favourite veg!! So there must be a large slice of nature over nurture on this one.
Thanks for writing your post. It really does help to hear there are others who are similar, ‘fussy eaters’ usually don’t come close to my son!! You’ve made me feel better.
Fingers crossed for you and your lovely daughter.
Somehow I missed replying to you – sorry for that.
Peer pressure has not brought us much luck in the past apart from trying corn on the cob at a BBQ, but I sense she is more interested in seeing what others are eating these days.
I definitely think it is mostly nature – most people I talk to have several kids and not all of them are extreme fussy… I also suspect some food sensitivities and we have considered getting her tested for whatever they can check for. She recently ate a piece of pizza finally which allowed us to see tomato in action as she has 100% avoided all tomato products (ketchup, tomatoes, pasta sauce, pizza etc).
It is so complicated, but overall I hope that people will come here and read these comments and feel less guilty or separate – like the only parent dealing with this. Thank you for sharing.
Debra Dane recently posted..Can you ever take the city out of the girl?
Oh, Deb. This is the post I need to write but have been avoiding like the plague. It troubles me so much that I can’t even tell you about it ☺. Will do soon to get it out of my head! J x
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I am surprised (and yet not) that this is another thing we have in common. I have tried to write about it at least 10 times and it was too overwhelming – i have a whole book of thoughts in my mind and could not imagine how to make a start that was not 5000 words long. Now that I see so many people commenting and sharing the same experience I think I am going to go ahead and create a free ebook this coming year (if you are interested in contributing or chatting to help me clarify thoughts i would love that)
Debra Dane recently posted..Get rid of your old undies once and for all
Ahhh Deb, this is my eldest daughters appetite, peanut butter, vegemite, bread, fish fingers, corn, carrot, crumbed chicken, tomatoes cucumber and everything with tomato sauce and I have read every book,blog etc etc and she will not deviate. She went 24 hours once with no food because I tried to out last her on the whole eat or have nothing malaga. So I let it go, it was stressing for both of us, now she just mulls along with what she has and every now and then will ask to try something the rest of us are having, 99% time hating it but hey at least she’s asking which is progress in itself. xxx
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Progress is good – i cherish every tiny step forward. It is sad that I am jealous when i even hear someone likes ketchup as with no sauces i could never even tempt with salad dressings or ketchup etc.
What do you guys do when you go out or to other people’s houses? That was always one of my stresses because you can’t control it like home so I would bring stuff (we finally stopped doing that earlier this year and now say it is ok if all she eats is bread and has a snack after when we get home.)
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Hi Deb, I went through similar with my first born (now 11). Before his 1st birthday he would eat very little variety and was not gaining weight. He would eat things like pickled onions, olives and raw grape tomatoes but seemed to live on tinned tomato soup and sausages. He also ate heaps of dips, especially hommus. There was one brand of cracker that he would eat and most of the time he would eat anything I could spread onto one. A paediatrician told me to add pate to his diet and I used to make a home made meat paste. I even mashed up hard boiled egg and spread onto crackers. Temperature was an issue for him, soup and sausage rolls were preferred cold.
He also used to eat sushi made with just the rice and nori. (I used to get some interesting looks ordering that one!) I used to cook normal meals for hubby and I, and our son was always welcome to try anything straight off our plates. We found a few new “likes” that way.
Now he is still fussyish but will try almost anything. He rarely eats any vegies other than celery, red capsicum and carrot (all raw) and the occasional piece of baked potato. I used to get him to help in the kitchen and we’d taste the raw vegies as we’d prepare a meal.
My advice to you is to trust your instinct and don’t worry about other people’s opinions. Let Alice eat what appeals to her and always offer her the opportunity to try new things, without pressure.
If you need to, ask for a referral to a paediatrician, if only to put your own mind at rest.
All the best
Thanks Wendy. It is so interesting all the things these kids have in common in terms of specific foods that got the Ok (a lot of peanut butter, fish fingers, crackers…) and things like temperature (recently Alice tried and liked “cheerios” which are mini cocktail franks for those outside Australia – not a very healthy food but i allow any new foods that are not candy. It is normal to heat them up at least, but she prefers them cold or room temp while I heat them up for everyone else.
We tried the no pressure thing but it did not make much progress and finally had to compromise a little and now we do make her try foods as it was the only way to face the fear and she actually asked us to do it (more to come in next post explaining that).
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I can’t tell you how much comfort/relief it is to me to know that I am not the only parent who is going through extreme fussiness with their child. Thank you so much for sharing. My nearly five year old son lives off vegemite sandwiches, yoghurt, crackers and the only fruit/vegetables I can get him to eat are Rafferty’s Garden pouches for 4 month old babies. I have always felt like his dietary issues are a reflection of me as a mother and am so embarrassed in social situations where friends children will eat at least something being offered (we always have to take a lunch box with us).
I have just started reading a book called ‘More Peas Please: Solutions for Fussy Eaters’. It seems to have some proactive ideas for parents who know what to feed their children, but don’t know how to get them to eat it. I will let you know how I go.
Hugs Nicole – I am so glad you read this post then so you do not feel alone in this. I have on occasion slowed down in the baby food aisle looking at the latest products thinking I would do anything. Instead I went down the purees added to foods route. That is another topic I am sick of hearing judgemental people commenting on all over the internet. My children know what is in the dishes and why I am doing it – they eat beetroot and cocoa muffins, pink pancakes from deceptively delicious (beets, apples and ricotta!), banana bread, pancakes or french toast made with sweet potatoes, brownies made with spinach and blueberries etc and I am grateful for every tablespoon of real vitamins that make it into their bodies! They do see and receive offers of fresh too (and Lulu likes several raw veggies – even Alice recently tried and liked finely shredded carrot after having rejected cooked, glazed, raw etc, the change in texture struck a chord finally), but I focus on the benefits of this method!
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Deb my heart totally goes out to you on this, It sounds like absolute bloody hell, especially as you and your husband so obviously enjoy cooking and eating together.
I am blessed with 2 children who are wonderful eaters and literally eat everything and a middle son who causes chaos at practically every meal other than McDonalds!
I have always given them the same food so thankfully I am not wracked with food/mummy guilt on this one.
But it is extremely stressful, I truly feel for you x
Thanks for the support Sarah! I do wish I had always kept going with the family food – big mistake i admit!
Debra Dane recently posted..A little housekeeping
At most mealtimes my son will only eat one of the things on his plate… we have a very happy dog!
As parents we do what we feel is the right thing at the time and we are always learning…
x
Can i just say i think your incredible for doing what you have done with the whole food thing…. My youngest son is a bit fussy, he also wont eat breakfast thats when i tried him on “Up & Go” as far as he is concerned its just a chocolate milkshake. He flately refuses to eat any vegies and gets quiet upset and stressed if he see’s me cooking them. He is also not a fan of fruit, bananas only a very rare occasion. I have certain people in my family who cough and splutter when i serve him meat and baked beans for tea but i just tell them i would rather do that then have him petrified of meal times all together. I’m always looking for new ideas and advice on this subject.
Gosh meat and baked beans would be a fab thing for us to achieve – people need to mind their business. I think the up and go is a good solution too. We finally found a few meals my 6yo would eat for breakfast and then I just encourage her to keep eating until she has at least some in her tummy. funny how many kids will just about tolerate bananas if pushed.
Debra Dane recently posted..Household Notebook / Home Management Binder / Control Journal 101
First time reader, this is a great post. I have a fussy eater, afraid of food actually. She pretty much lives on bread and fruit. I feel lucky that she loves fruit and eats a pretty wide variety of it. For protein we rely on cheese – which she only likes occasionally, and peanut butter. She drinks juice and we have a juicer and can sneak a small amount of veg into it – carrots mostly, but we’ve tried beets and spinach with success. “Making” her try something is just not an option for us so we just have a variety of healthy foods for dinner and enjoy them in front of her. We always have bread with dinner, so there is something that she will eat. We hope that although she may not eat them now, she will understand in the future what healthy eating is and how to put together a healthy meal. It’s really all we can do.
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I agree that continuing to model a healthy meal is important.
I continue to be amazed at all the similarities – cheese and peanut butter keep coming up – texture? taste? easy on their tummies?
That’s great about your juicer – we only just achieved juice this year – she drinks a mix of cranberry and OJ (i buy one that has a few different fruits in it actually + echinacea and another vitamin). I wish we could move on to smoothies since milkshakes are enjoyed, but no luck yet.have you tried protein powder – i add it to lots of things and you could probably add a good amount to that juice as it does not change taste or texture of foods. I buy it at the health food shop.
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I could have written this post, even down to the living on peanut butter.
When Erin was smaller I used to get “Have you tried…ice cream, chocolate, etc etc etc”. I’d just smile and walk away. My kid wasn’t a non-eater because I hadn’t thought to try playing air planes during meals or because I’d never tried any variety of food. In the end she had to go back to tube feeding which was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever done – I had two break downs, one because they wouldn’t let us leave the hospital and the second because we couldn’t keep her from pulling the tube out so it needed to be replaced multiple times a day which was like torture (literally for Erin).
The day she was admitted to children’s hospital to have the NGTube fitted I remember one of her former neonatologists asking what her favourite food was, potato gems. He asked how many she ate and walked out of the room laughing when we said “two”.
It’s hard, people don’t understand. Erin’s daycare didn’t understand that I had to pull her out because of their “no egg” policy. Just about everything that has enough calories and that Erin will eat contains egg. She needs the egg for protein so we didn’t have an option.
Anyway, I’m sorry you feel judged. I understand.
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Biggest hugs Bec – I cannot imagine having a feeding tube so my heart goes out to your whole family. Wow that is tough that the daycare could not accommodate her to eat egg products even in isolation with careful handling. If things hadn’t started to improve the tiny bit it has this year I was prepared to request permission for Alice to have a daily peanut butter sandwich in the school office with supervised hand and face washing afterwards. Just today we had another chat as yet again she ate only 1 thing from her lunchbox all day (a piece of banana bread). So much stress.
But tonight she had chicken for dinner even though she does not like it, she knows now I need her to get the nutrition in and I explained she had not eaten well and needed the nutrients and she ate it without crying and more than usual so progress indeed – maybe one day she will hear I have chicken and reply like her sister “oh goody chicken drummies – my favourite”
My hope is that over time all of these kids will find some middle ground with food that keeps them healthy and allows them to socialise where food is involved.
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I have an adult friend who still has the same issues. His parents didn’t encourage him to try new foods, and the thought of eating something he doesn’t like is so stressful to him that it interupts his life – he can’t go out to friends houses because he is afraid he won’t be able to eat the food (even though I am happy to cook what he likes for him).
I think it is important to encourage your children to try new foods, but not to stress them. A parent can never win in a food issue with a child, so it is better to encourage good habits but not make it a battle. It sounds to me like you are doing a great job!
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Wow, I just stumbled upon this post and it totally struck a chord. Thank you. I feel so much better about my son’s “fussy” eating and my decision to not try to force the family meal on him. His diet is restricted and repetitive but it now covers all the food groups. I’m embarrassed at having to make separate meals for him when it is apparently such a parenting “no-no” but he has no interest in trying new foods (doesn’t want them on the same table as his food) and after a couple of traumatising attempts to coerce him to eat something new I decided it wasn’t worth the stress. I now think there is value in respecting his wishes when he is obviously very sensitive to tastes and textures and I praise him when he is willing to even smell a new food. Like so many other parenting issues, people think they have all the easy answers but until they experience this for themselves, they don’t understand that it is not just the misbehaviour of a wilful child. (Sometimes such behaviours are even symptomatic of Autism Spectrum Disorders, for example).
Smelling a new food is one step in the right direction. I met with a nutritionist a couple of times (who told me i was doing all the right things) and she shared with me the “steps to eating” and praised the fact that my daughter was much further along than many kids she meets. It starts with tolerating things like the food being on the table etc, then goes to interactions (serving onto their own plate, helping prepare foods etc), then smells, then touch 9anything from tip of tongue, to fingertips, any body part), finally it reaches the stage of eating (some may just chew and spit out, others swallow a little bit, others just bite off piece and spit straight out etc). When fears are involved any progression up the chain is a win!
I have two children with “mild” Aspergers Syndrome. My daughter is almost 16 and my son 12. They both have food texture and smell issues and they are both different. Meal times are interesting – I often end up making 3 separate meals – or variations to suit individual tastes. We went to friends to NY lunch yesterday and it was painful to watch so one of my missions this year is to try and find a way forward. I love to cook (and eat) and I always looked forward to cooking for my family and introducing them to food. It has taken me a long while to understand what the issue is and to not take it personally when they won’t/can’t eat what I have lovingly prepared.
I totally hear you on the painful to watch – even in my own home watching my daughter eat at times is upsetting (she has to touch everything, scrape and scoop peanut butter from her sandwich to eat etc). I know she is not doing it to be funny or difficult – you can see it is her wiring…
Big hugs though – such a stress and we do take it to heart. Thanks for sharing.
Debra Dane recently posted..52 weeks to simplify your life {SYL: Week 1}
Wow – for the past 3 years – my son is almost 4, I have been searching in vain for solutions to his selective eating.
I get frustrated (while trying to remain patient with well meaning people/speech therapists/drs/psycologists) who use the phrase ‘fussy eater’ and ‘don’t worry, he’s doesn’t look under/overweight’.
Your original post is an amazing representation of my life. I have been searching in vain for a clinic or someone who specialises in this area. We refer to my son’s diet as the beige food diet, biscuits, dry nutrigrain, toast with vegemite, cheese & bacon rolls from Bakers Delight only (that was a breakthrough), chicken nuggets, oven fries, chicken dinosaurs, potato smilies, sometimes cheese, and brand snob extraordinaire in all those things – they discontinued the fish finger he ate 12 months ago so now no fish – and I’m sick of eating the left over packs!
Where to go, what to do, the latest 4 months of therapy got nowhere, and not through lack of trying I can assure.
My only solace is that he is a happy child, and I have very understanding friends who know the issues and don’t judge, but I’d love one of them to be an expert in this arena
Claire – I am so sorry I have only just seen your comment (you posted on the busiest week of the blog and I missed it)
I totally get the beige things (or shades of white, tan and brown for us) . We have been trying to draw my daughter’s attention to the colours on her plate (or lack of colour) so she can grasp what she already knows – her body needs more than beige foods. I would be interested in talking to you further if you want – we are at the stage of investigating Occ. therapy and worry that at the end of the time and thousands of dollars spent we may be no better off.
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Thank you. This too is my life with my children. You put my thoughts into words so clearly!
Then big hugs to you Nicole – it is just something hard to grasp if it is not your life.
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I am fortunate to have reasonably good eaters, but this reminds me of my brother. Now nearly forty, he has spent his life eating Vegemite, bread, sausage and steak, with potatoes and carrots. He has survived. I’ll never forget my mother telling the story of one day making him sit at the table until he had a least TRIED a strawberry. After hours, he finally did, then promptly threw all his dinner up. Some kids just can’t, as you say. I hope you don’t feel judged anymore, and I am sure by sharing you have helped so many others in the same situation.
Wow that is my worst fear and why we have never pushed to the point of vomiting. Last weekend I made a pasta dish for us all (not separate plain pasta + bits) and insisted the girls each eat a tiny portion before anything else. Lulu ate a bit with chicken added. Alice tried to get one bite down her but could not and got very upset – the worst we have had in a while. I could have stuck to my guns but let it go as the level of distress was very high. I imagine the story stayed with your mother always…
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Hi Deb,
I can cook a meal and it looks so delicious and the smell is amazing and my little boy will take one look or one smell and will literally get up and leave the table. He does eat alot of fruit and vegetables so I’m not worried about his vitamin intake at this stage. He just doesn’t like the look of some things and is very aware of the texture. He is also very aware of the temperature of food and if the first mouthful is too hot he will not return to that meal. He does have PDD-NOS (a type of autism) and is more sensory aware than most other children. I can not get him to eat most meat or pasta! And quite honestly I offer many choices, even things I know he wont eat, I let him eat off my plate if he is curious and I have learnt not to be offended if he doesn’t want to eat something….its not actually a choice for him.
Goodluck with the anxiety and know that the fact that you are trying everything should be enough to tell you that you are being an awesome Mum!
I’m grateful that you wrote this post as there is a big difference between a fussy eater and one that finds food a huge daily challenge!
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Thanks Anneleis – i hear a lot of us have issues with temperature too. so many factors and so many variations with these kids. many foods in common and then deviations here and there too. Great that you at least have fruit and veg for nutrients, but I “get” that just like me maybe you would love other foods and to be relaxed about meals
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I nearly wrote a book in response to this because you have described me as a child to a T. My poor mother, – I always did feel bad about it, but could not help the way I felt. The handful of foods I could eat were a comfort to me which is why we get so brand specific. I hated too smooth, too rough, chewing was an absolute chore if offered a different food. On the plus side, I grew up and eat nearly everything now. Maybe I was a very anxious child as I was a bedwetter too. All I can suggest is to continue the respectful treatment – making issues and battles definitely made it worse and the only solution for me was sneakily feeding the dog after filling my socks with food. If I was the parent, I’d try having a special one on one time with the child and every so often when they are generally happy, include a smell, lick, taste game. Don’t know if it’d work even with me! Even if you have spells when you simply go with the routine, do try and offer new things occasionally – my folks simply wrote me off. My brother even stocked up his fridge with fishfingers when I went to visit aged 22, because they had pigeonholed me long ago. People can change, can grow – it takes courage and feeling comfortable from them, it takes a nurturing environment from their family. Keep up the good work and don’t listen to all the folk who think they know it all. I’ve been through it and I don’t have answers
Thanks so much for sharing your story Linda – I love hearing from people who had a hard time with food as kids and eat everything now – it is what keeps me going (i try not to picture my daughter going on a first date and ordering plain pasta with no oil or parmesan please…)
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Hi Deb. I don’t know how I missed this post but I have EXACTLY the same problem with my daughter. She’s 7. I’d be interested to hear how you’re going with it, if you could point me to anymore posts you’ve done on the subject.
Anne xx
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I knew you were in the same boat but thought you had seen this post – I would love to chat more about it. I never wrote another post as it was such a big subject and so much to share it was overwhelming. I am instead working through it in the next few months to write an ebook on the subject (I want to try to help people who are in the early stages before they get 5 years in like me). I am at the stage where we are talking to occupational therapists. We make tiny steps forward but stall most of the time and have a few steps back at times. Let me know if you want to email about it – maybe we can help each other a bit.
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Hi Deb, what a relief to hear so many mums are in the same boat as it is so hard to know how to live with a child like this and know its not our fault. My nearly 5 year old son eats only a handful of things. As a baby he was allergic to something in my breast milk which took us 5 months of him vomiting everywhere and stomach spasms to get diagnosed. Maybe feeding then became a negative thing for him as even as a toddler he didn’t eat much but he has gotten worse as he’s gotten older and now just basically eats plain carbs (white pasta, rice and bread), he loves peanut butter on bread too, and ocassionally carrot sticks (with tomato sauce) or slices of apple. He quickly gets distressed when we try to get him to eat new foods. I took him to an occupational therapist (OT) at our local public hospital who ran a food exploration class for kids with food sensitivity issues and he actually got a bit more adventurous through touching, smelling and even licking new foods. She had him painting with custard and making watches out of ham and balancing cheezels on this nose etc and talking about textures and colours. I really should try the same at home but haven’t gotten around to it, since sadly the OT stopped offering the class.that by lots of foods and only eats. It is so frustrating when you cook lovely meals to have him not try anything so we make him alternative meals but I take heart from the other comments to keep offering new things to him as maybe one day he’ll add some meat or another vegie to his reportoire. Thanks for your post.
Definitely keep trying – i don’t put myself under as much pressure as I used to but since we started pushing her boundaries a little more she has tried a lot more foods in the last 18 months (still very few new foods she likes, but she can tolerate it for the sake of nutrition and i hope over time the taste will become familiar enough that mentally she can be open to the taste). The biggest thing we added from the OT this year was having the rule that she had to try 10 bites of a food before dismissing it – can be 10 small bites at one meal or spread over many attempts. The familiarity it breeds has helped her push past some real mental upsets (less tears now even if does not love it she is tolerating some things) – good luck xx
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I love you for understanding and trying to help your child. I say that because I’m 35 and I am embarassed by my food and clothing texture issues. I’ve carried them from birth and I can’t tell you why I have them, I just do.
I remember the clothing issues before the food. I remember my mother making me wear corduroy by osh kosh green overalls at 5 and one particular pair. We would struggle over getting dressed and my day was ruined AT FIVE! I wasn’t being a brat. They made my skin crawl all day. I could hear them ‘swooshing’ all day and felt my heart race. I remember going out on those days for playtime and hiding so no one could see me. I would pretend my arm was broken to take my attention away from how uncomfortable I was. This sounds insane, but true!
Then I bit into my first accidental egg shell. It was the same sensation. Game OVER. vomit. I mentally could never tolerate uncomfortable textures. I can tolerate a good deal of pain but not texture. Some foods I can’t eat at all. Some foods can’t ever touch other foods. I’m an adult and heaven help others if I bite into something I find offensive. I instantly get weak and vomit or go down for the count. It’s not related to a traumatic event.
My niece also has this which I find weird.
Very interesting that your niece is the same. my sister is the closest to my daughter in terms of the sensitivities and struggles. she is visiting right now and it is amazing to watch her at 44 years old still be very particular, struggle with new foods (we eat a bit different to her usuals so they are both trying new foods together) and I am realising my sister and I both have the same touch sensitivities (i was not aware that rain makes her skin crawl like mine etc) There is so much more to these issues than kids being a pain in the bum. I feel sad that you had to suffer so much with your clothing since we spend all day in them (at least meals pass eventually).
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Both my kids have Aspergers Syndrome and both have food texture issues, but not the same, so often I prepare 3 meals or 2 with variations. It used to drive me mad, before I understood what the problem was. Now I just work around it the best I can. They are now 16 and 12.
My main aim now is to try and have stress free meal times. The children generally eat before us (always have) as my husband works late but we attempt to have family meal times when possible. To make it an enjoyable experience (for all of us) I do my best to give them the food they like so that we can enjoy the social side of having a family meal time. There are some main courses that we can all eat but require different vege combos.
I have to have a very good memory to keep track of all the likes and dislikes – eg one only likes butter on burnt toast (not crusts) – the other likes very pale toast. One can’t stand the smell of eggs – the other loves them scrambled.
My daughter now realises how socially inhibiting having these food issues is and is grateful to me for the effort I make to meet her needs. However her texture issue precludes her from even attempting to prepare her own food. She can’t bear the look of leftovers on a plate either. Her issues have changed over the years – probably improved overall, just different to when she was younger.
I think you just do what you have to do and accept that most people WILL NEVER have any understanding of this issues – just like we didn’t until confronted with it. The kids seem to survive on whatever they can eat so maintain your sanity and give them what they want.
And know (through this BLOG) that you are not alone! It’s a huge comfort.
“socially inhibiting” is such a great phrase and reflects a big part of my struggle since life is not spent permanently in your own cave – if we never went anywhere it would have been less of an issue for me, but knowing there are school lunch times, birthday parties, BBQs, sleepovers etc I want her to be able to enjoy those times too. I hear you on the issues not even matching – even if i cater for my 9yo my 7yo still needs different foods from those preferences…
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Just an update. My daughter (17 next month) has just been diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) – irregular periods, facial hair, acne and sudden weight gain. When I look at what she eats and the foods she should be avoiding, I can’t help but wonder if she has Insulin Resistance, caused by her diet….caused by her food texture issues. Her “tolerable” foods ARE the ones she should be avoiding! We will be finding a nutritionist/dietitian next week to see what they can suggest. I know what she needs but the issue tends to become too emotional for me to be objective in my attempts to guide her. We are also considering hypnotherapy to see if this helps. We tried one (male) therapist, but he approached it from a “logical” perspective and it’s just not a “logical” problem! As a result, no hypnosis was tried. I also sensed that I was being blamed for pandering to her and I’m very sensitive to that. So I’ll be looking for a female therapist next time.
Let us know how you go – hypnotherapy has been suggested to me but i am cautious of anything suggestive (but think it could help) – would love to know what the experience and results are like – email me anytime – we can chat! Good luck and you are definitely not to blame (none of us are even if we keep trying to blame ourselves thanks to messages we receive) xxx
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I realize this is an old blog entry but I’m so thankful to have found it!!! I have a 5 yr old who is everything you described above! I have struggled since his birth to get him to eat…anything! People think I give in when he won’t eat an off brand of applesauce, chicken nuggets but what they don’t realize is that it is the ONLY thing he will eat. It’s comforting knowing I’m not the only parent struggling with this. We are seeing an eating specialist next week because my son’s weight has dropped so much lately. Thank you for this post!
Hi Lauren – i totally understand. my daughter is now 9 1/2 and while we have made some great progress this year (she will eat carrot sticks!! and an occasional piece of apple now!) it is still hard – we are on holiday and she is sticking mostly to macaroni and cheese and grilled cheese sandwiches. but there is definitely progress being made and i now trust that enough will be made over time that she won’t be like this forever. i hope you gain some tips and ideas at the specialist – i imagine the weight loss is stressful for you. let us know if you learn anything amazing!! best of luck – deb xx
My son from a very early age could not cope with potato in his mouth, particularly mashed potato. I have been told that texture issues arise a lot with children who have speech development delay, of which he had. He is 15 now and will eat potato, but does not like cooked egg, which he still doesn’t like the texture of.
that is really interesting to read as my daughter was actually verbally advanced and physically as well so had no delays of any kind. potato is a huge common theme – my 9yo does now in fact love mashed potato which still makes me laugh after all those years of rejection. she only started back on cooked egg last year and only scrambled.
Thanks for posting this again Deb (via FB). As you now, I struggle with my eldest who has a fear of trying new foods, and a very limited diet. My godsend is that he will eat cottage pie, into which I grate carrot & courgette. He won’t eat the veg individually. It puts a real strain on family mealtimes as my other child will eat almost anything. Eating seems to be a real chore for T and he does it so slowly, whether it’s something he likes or not. Do you have any thoughts on putting time limits on mealtimes and then taking away what hasn’t been eaten? I don’t want to encourage ‘wolfing down’ food, but all this dilly-dallying, a mealtime can last for an hour sometimes!
Your post has inspired me to revisit what has worked in the past, but something we didn’t keep up with, and that was a reward chart – T got a sticker even for trying a new food – something he has refused point blank to do previously. I’ve also followed your 10 bite rule which has had varying degrees of success! (But 2 stickers if he completes 10 bites!)
Thanks for sharing your experiences Deb – they are really helping – even if we are on the other side of the world – it’s good to know we’re not alone!
HI Sharon – sorry I did not come by the post to reply to comments after re-posting the link .
with the length of mealtimes I personally would not let it drag on for an hour (unless everyone is eating together and happily enjoying an hour at the table etc). My youngest is a slow eater so was often at the table longer than others but not dawdling or avoiding food, she just eats slow and chats while eating etc. there is a difference.
even with breastfeeding when they wer babies i was told that once they stopped eating properly and were just playing or taking only occassional sips to just take them off the breast and end the feed.. I think it makes meal times clear and they do know there is always a next meal/snack and they get another chance to eat
good luck xx
Thanks for a refresher on this post. I read it the first time and reread the whole thing again. This is a huge issue in our house. It is the one area that I keep finding myself trying to “work on” and then “giving up”. It is so overwhelming and you do constantly feel like a failure. I would love to see a second post and even an e-book. I know you have read a lot about it because I remember seeing recommended reading about the issue. In the past I had read most of Food Chaining and tried to work on food issues with that, but it consumes so much time and energy that I just work on other things that seem more tangible (speech, and other sensory issues). Thanks again for a great post!!!
HI Sherry
thanks for coming back to the post again. I do plan on writing an ebook – has been on my mind since last year. It really is overwhelming and I need to sit and work out what to include and so on. I would love to get in touch when I have a draft and ask your feedback if that is ok. I need a kick to get started and will write a follow up blog post before launching the ebook too. xx
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Absolutely Deb,
I would love to help in any way I can.
Thanks again for all you do!
Hugs,
Sherry
Deb, I feel both your’s and your daughter’s pain.
I have been steered over here by Sonia from Natural New Age Mum.
As an accredited kinesiologist, it sounds like your daughter has SID (Sensory Integration Processing Syndrome) and is super-sensitive to certain things.
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-disorder-checklist.html
I spent much of my life with this, tags on clothes irritated me, as did synthetic and woollen fabrics, I could smell gas walking past certain houses on my way to the bus, I was very particular about textures of foods.
Now, since my training, I understand that this is due to the reticular activating system (RAS) at the base of our brain letting too much information into the brain, thus overloading it.
It’s like trying to seive icing sugar using a colander instead of a fine-meshed strainer- too bigger lumps get through.
I would be happy to discuss your daughter’s situation with you privately- be assured she’s not doing this ‘just to be annoying’ or to ‘get attention’. There are things we can do to remedy this.
Robyn xx
Thanks Robyn – I did approach the OT and SP about SPD and they felt she has mild SPD (as do I – i am guessing) my issues are textural/tactile (cannot touch messy things like finger paint or stand to have rain hit my skin) and auditory (so sound sensitive) and hers seems to be mostly oral (both the texture of food and the taste + she has to touch and play with everything she eats – always a giant mess on her, in her hair, around her space).
Is there specific information related to her food issues available. Thanks for dropping by – Sonia did give me your page details but I am a bit swamped with my husband away and school holidays etc. I will have a look when things calm down next week – thanks , deb xx
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Thanks Debra! I opened this page expecting to read the same crap that I’ve read and heard a thousand times about “fussy eaters”. Finally, I’ve found people who understand what it’s like to have a real “fussy eater”. I have cried many a river over my 8 year old’s diet and food habits and though progress is painfully slow (and sometimes not even happening), I’m learning to let go and be proud of my efforts.
I have made a change to totally organic and/or biodynamic organic ingredients, so that I know he is at least getting the highest quality food I can offer. And although he has dropped a few of his favourite dishes as the ingredients make the meal taste slightly different, I will continue to offer him the best and hope for the best!
Thank you again and to all the wonderful, caring and beautiful mums like you, that have shared their stories here. It’s great to know I’m not alone.
xxx
You are welcome – and thank you Helen – for commenting, sharing and all you are doing for your young son. It is a constant challenge. We made some strides forward last year (cous cous and carrots and broccoli oh my) and now things have slowed again. School started back and we have some regression and tears this month!The bottom line for all of us though is we can only do so much (and yay to us for all we do as it is!) xx
Thank you thank you thank you. My son is almost 9 and since he was 2 I have battled with food issues. He gags on most textured food, he cries ahead of meals knowing what they will be, he lives from a very restricted menu. I have pleaded, shouted, demanded, bribed – nothing works for him… I am so very thankful to finally hear from someone who has a similar story. You have no idea how often i feel judged and have heard ‘helpful’ friends giving their ‘this will fix it’ ideas that just don’t help.
Hi Cathy – I am so sorry that you are dealing with this too and with the same time frame as me. Definitely try to let their words wash over you as we both know you are doing everything you can and these kids cannot be forced to change, they have to slowly find a path to more foods that work for them within their limitations – as we branch out my daughter has been able to make some major progress in the last 2 years – still restricted but at least adding foods now! I hope you make some progress too xx
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on behalf of fussy kids everywhere, i’m sorry its such a pain to feed us. we do appreciate the lengths you go too get our food and prepare it specially, although we might not say so.
on another note, my recommended course would be to encourage new foods, but not force. being supportive to your kid and not shouting at them will go a long way as well. try very similar foods, in texture and taste.but do try to get them to eat the best diet within their limits.i myself am a very fussy eater, and i can’t tell you what a huge difference eating a little bit of fruit does. its like a fog from my head is cleared, like im more awake than normal- seriously dont give up on your kid when it comes to stuff like this, its a real health risk.
ive been doing some reading on the topic and it seems that almost all of the posts i have found, the people like peanut butter. and your story about the different brand of peanut butter made me laugh, ive done that before. all the brands taste very different. i get mine from a special american store because i dont like most of the british kind!
great post i enjoyed it
fruit is a definite issue here and we keep working on it – the only one she eats is a banana and even that she now is over from over consumption over the years – i will try talking to her again about the difference it can make in her mental state etc – thank you for sharing!
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Thank you so much for writing this. I have dealt with this since my daughter was out of the baby food jars. We have had lunch boxes come home empty so often that we wonder why we keep sending them. We have been criticised by teachers, friends, mentors; given all the: “if they spent a week at my house it would be different speeches”. All to putting me in tears and constantly feeling the need to defend my child. I’m facing sending her to a one week camp this summer and terrified that she will go the whole week without eating and trying to figure out how to explain all this to the camp, I came across your blog. I was trying to look up a medical description so I didn’t sound like a crazy, spoil your kids mom which is how most people look at me and I came across this. My child will go without food or water until she passes out rather than eat something that is the wrong color, texture, brand etc. Thank you for writing this.
Thanks for commenting Kerry – I hope she copes with the camp. It is so hard when others don’t understand and think they could solve it with tough love – it can mess with your head. That will be us next year plus she desperately wants to go on the school trip to Japan in 2 years (they study it at school and have a sister school) and i just pray she can manage both. xxx
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Omg I need help sooooo bad I believe my step daughter, whose mother is not in her life nor is her half brother may of traumatized her. Idk if a child can remember being a baby, but the child does not eat anything but chocolate and French fries. Literally open her lunchbox and only the juice is gone so she got smart and throws the whole lunch out she is 6. She’ll admit to throwing it out. I argue with her father she may need counseling as this is a psychological issue I feel. The hysterics the child gets into over an apple slice or chicken or a hamburger is ridiculous she is 39lbs. I’m at my wits end as have gone as far as to call her a weirdo and want a divorce. I can’t take it anymore it is so disruptive to every meal and to top it off she had food allergies and gluten sensitivity but er sad lets her eat breaded fried chicken nuggets ” bc she likes them” so her eczema and psoriasis are out of control.
Just stumbled across this website while desperately trying to find something that could help with my 4year olds extreme food aversion. It’s unfortunate that so many people are going through this but dare I say comforting to find I’m not the only one in despair. He starts school in September and I’m so worried about lunchtime. My son literally only eats Weetabix but only if its not too soggy, cheddar cheese sticks but only individually wrapped little sticks and can tell a mile away if its the wrong brand or I dare try to trick him by cutting a chunk the same size off a bigger block. Apple and banana baby purée, again a certain brand and I’ve even tried replicating the recipe And refilling the pouch! @ £1 a pouch it was a good idea but no! Munch bunch yogurts, and dried fruit bars, these also have to be the same brand and flavour without fail. He pointe blankly refuses to even try anything and stopped eating a lot of other foods around 15 months. I’ve had moments of sheer desperation. If I refuse his “foods” he’ll starve himself until he’s sick and I give in. On one occasion when i had been badgering him all day he tried a spoonful of something and gagged as soon as it touched his tongue. I think apart from the constant emotional turmoil this brings at every meal time the biggest problem is other people, at party’s or Playdates etc. As if you don’t already feel a bigger enough failure at home without the judgment and un-informed “so called” advice, they try to force on you. Do they really think we haven’t tried every single simple thing they suggest, they have no idea of the exhaustive list of methods I’ve thought up while they happily cooking away for the family to sit down and have a lovely health meal together. I’m so glad to have found this post. It’s actually lifted a bit of a weight to have commented too. No one else seems to understand. Thank you Kerry and everybody for sharing, good luck to you all.
So Glad I’m not alone…I really did feel I was lol. My daughter will be 5 this summer and barely eats anything. I have done everything you can imagine…including numerous doctors visits over this. They of course say let her starve…she will eat if she is hungry…it won’t hurt her. But like I told them…she can go days without eating. I have followed all of their advice and tried everything. She has fears of food that are certain colors, textures and smells. she was eating plain waffles and/or pancakes for a long time, now it is mostly pancakes or certain cereals. She really is not hungry in the morning though. Lunch is a struggle too. Sometimes she will eat bread with mayo, or bread with jelly. string cheese (not orange) and certain yogurts. plain bagel with cream cheese. toast with butter. she will eat grapes and apples but no skin. she will eat a cookie of course…but certain types. for dinner she might eat chicken nuggets and fishsticks (but could tell if you switched brands) and lately she has been having issues with them, certain types of pasta in certain shapes with no color and no sauce, used to eat mac and cheese. She will only eat cut cooked carrots and possibly pea’s. she will eat salad with ceasar dressing only but she mainly just eats the croutons and cucumbers. She will not touch meats such as real chicken, pork chops, steak etc. by some chance she puts a piece of new food on her tongue (like chicken) she will gag really bad. I know everyone says she is just being a brat and picky but I know this goes beyond that. My 8 year old will eat most things though. My 4 year old can go forever without eating and it does not bother her. I believe she has some type of OCD or SPD. I just wish she would eat regular food. The doctor said not to give her carnation instant breakfast or pediasure. Im thinking about trying that supplement from Native Remedies called Kiddie Florish. It is supposed to help with this type of issue. Has anyone tried this?
I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH for this post! I know it was a while ago, but I am just finding it now and it has made me feel less alone. Mine is 4. He eats ALL fruits and veggies and nothing else!! When I say nothing, I mean nothing. He won’t eat bread, pasta, nut butters, meats. He will occasionally eat cheese, but the occasions are few and far between. Everyone thinks I am insane when I say I have a picky eater. Just because he is eating veggies does not mean everything is perfect!! He was a premie (31 weaker) so he has always been small but followed his own little curve. Recently at his 4 year appointment he dropped off that curve. The doc is telling me to wait and see though he wants to start pushing “carnation instant breakfast or protein drinks” YEAH RIGHT. We are talking about a child that will go all day eating only 1 apple, trying to get him to down a carnation instant breakfast is just not working!! I completely get the “looks” when I make a second dinner for my son. I also get the “put it in front of him and he will eat when he is hungry”! What those people don’t seem to get is that he WON’T eat. This isn’t a me being soft on him issue, this is a 4 year old that still wears 18-24 month clothes that can’t really afford to be skipping meals. I want to scream “don’t judge me! you have no idea what meals times are like in my house!” THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for this post!!