2011 reflections filled with gratitude

This is my first gratitude post for 2012 and I am struck by how I am going to have to hold myself back or I will end up with a 2000 word post! I was sitting here at home life simplified quietly minding my business- 5 months into blogging and just over 3 months since I started this path to positivity via gratitude - when my world exploded (in a good way).

I decided to start a challenge with others to simplify our lives. I have much sorted out already in my life and wanted to share what I know. I figured working with others I would learn the lessons they had to offer as well – collaboration to growth!

The only problem was that voice in my head – you know the one? the Negative Nelly who undermines your confidence? She seemed to think it was a bad idea and that it was too big, too arrogant (what did I know? no one will join in) and too much to take on when I already struggle to balance this blog with the rest of my life.

So what I am most grateful for in this first week of January is that all that I learned and positively felt in 2011 allowed me to send Negative Nelly packing. I had already decided 2012 was my year of “fearless” I just had not planned to put it into action quite so fast. I thought  I would field some easy balls and build up to the big leagues later – maybe by April. There’s a lesson I learned right there – dive right in and take action and then it will be. I was no longer in the land of “what if ” – that is the land where dreams die.

If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint’, then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.- Vincent Van Gogh

 

I am excited to look back on 2011 to find all the positive things I am grateful for and that brought about so much change in my life. I had many pieces of the puzzle but gratitude was the last one and I feel like I have had an awakening.

In December 2010 we bought our current house and a lot of stress was removed from my life. We had horrible neighbours at our old house and it was physically and emotionally draining me. I could no longer think straight from the noise and negative behaviour of this family. Moving in mid December meant we started off the year fresh and full of hope. We now have enough space to move around in (our old house was so tiny that when offered a tour at our housewarming – this was our first home – my husband’s colleague commented that “it would be over in 30 seconds”). Now we are in a “right for us” house. We inherited chickens, nicer neighbours, a short walk to school, friends who live up the street and potential.

I made some new friends this year, reconnected with some old friends, took more chances and got honest with some friends (and found we were on the same page), let go of my need to be included all the time (still struggling with this / feelings of rejection a little, but am trusting that where I focus my energy will grow).

Some of those new friends were found via blogging. I did not know some “women who blog” would become women who hold me up, who fill my tank, who selflessly share this journey with me.

I don’t want to single out several and end up leaving out many, but I do want to acknowledge one blogger who was my saving grace. It is fitting to do so here in a gratitude post as it is Bron from Maxabella Loves . As much as I have proclaimed my devotion on here due to the gratitude linky that brought about so much change, it is Bron herself I need to acknowledge for a different act. Some of you will be familiar with RUOK day as many bloggers wrote posts and linked up that day to promote mental health support and awareness. I was a new blogger with a history of depression and anxiety and shared my story of how I was saved by a nurse who would not let me pretend any longer.

138 bloggers linked up that day and not a single person commented on my post. I had been commenting on others’ posts but no one came. I gave up, I actually sank into depression that had been building all week thanks to blogging and feeling “less than”. Then that night came one comment – from Bron who I had already been lucky enough to connect with through blogging – “RUOK?” is all she wrote. I am crying now as I look back and am grateful I was already a little fearless as I decided to email her and answer – I did not know if she was asking casually or really wanted to know, but I needed to share. I reached out and she has been there ever since- her guidance, friendship and beautiful words have definitely been a positive force in my life in 2011!

After 8 years at home with the girls (and 2 years of talking about figuring out my “next steps”) I rekindled an old idea I had for a business. I entered the Huggies Muminspired competition and, even though I did not win a grant, a fire had been ignited that could not be put out. I found my way into a business course for women (new friends), registered HLS both as a business and a trademark, changed my business idea several times as I explored it further and kept ruling out things that did not fit me well at all. Finally I reached a point I had never experienced in my life – letting go of the need to control it. I had felt I needed to have all the answers, get some clients, clarify what I was doing, start contributing to this household. I realised figuring out what I did not want this to be was enough of a step forward. I would let it evolve and become whatever is meant to be – and I can feel now that was the right decision. I feel excited and nervous and yes, a little fearless right now.

At the risk of getting close to being my longest post ever I will also declare :

My marriage is on the rise finally.

I am mostly sugar free (it makes me crazy and tired) and found out I could actually run – faster and longer than I ever thought possible.

I have been inspired and have inspired others.

I reconnected with nature and unpacked my sewing machine.

I am blessed with a husband who cooks the most amazing meals, can clean a mean shower and refuses my cries to kill creatures that get in the house (he catches them in a container, shows the girls so they can learn and then sets them free!)

I am simply blessed.

For those of you joining in the challenge I look forward to reading your posts on Monday. For those not  taking up the challenge – tell me 3 positive things from your life in 2011!

Find your simple,

Deb

Image credits: Don’t believe everything you think

Gratitude is the open door to abundance

Tagged as: mindset, positivity